Este dia marca o início de mais um blog criado pela minha pessoa...desta feita, depois de repensar a minha situação, resolvi poupar os leitores do Homem da Mota, aos meus sentimentos recônditos,aos meus ataques de melancolia, á minha saudade exacerbada, ao meu comportamento deambulante.... tudo isto para dizer, que resolvi criar um lugar onde posso exprimir tudo o que sinto em relação ao meu grande ídolo Kurt Cobain!Perdido entre os infinitos da blogosfera, este será um blog de tributo, mas ao mesmo tempo um blog de desabafo, um sítio onde tudo o que dentro de mim se passa, em relação a este tema, irá ser desvendado. A actualização do blog, será descoordenada e desregrada, sendo que obedecera apenas ou meu destabilizado estado de espírito! Para começar, não vos deixarei com uma música dos Nirvana, mas sim com uma letra de Kurt Cobain...deixem-se levar pelas palavras deste homem.
"You know you´re right"
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
The thought was put into this
And I always knew it'd come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
Pain
Pain
Pain
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
It's so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let's talk about someone else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
The thought was put into this
I always knew it'd come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail
Pain
Pain
Pain
Pain
Pain
You know you're right
You know your rights
Pain...
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Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."
Pictures of a life...
The Suicide Note of Kurt Donald Cobain, 1967-1994
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I don't have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy... and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!